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The old jokes are the best jokes, they say, but Lynne Mortimer reckons the ancient Greek gags could do with a bit of updating.

Get fit in just five minutes, said the press release.

And so it begins, the inexorable decline that means you have taken a step over the hill.

“Oh, no, please don’t make me do it,” pleaded my husband.

Vive la France!

Monday, July 17, 2017

Allons enfants de la Patrie, Le jour de gloire est arrivé! Lynne Mortimer celebrates Frenchness in the wake of the 228th anniversary of the storming of the Bastille.

A fish and chip supper with a bonus giant bottle of diet Coke free from the chippie in the company of good friends was a treat on a sultry summer’s night with not too many bitey insects about. It is a scene unchanged over the decades. At times like this, life is good.

Member of Parliament Jacob Rees-Mogg has endowed his male children with many and unusual names. Lynne Mortimer ponders the curse... or blessing of a name

... without going to one. Lynne Mortimer looks at the alternatives to summer festivals, beginning by not going to Glastonbury

East Anglian touring theatre company The Pantaloons are bringing A Midsummer Night’s Dream to a venue near you.

Grandson George, aged four going on 40, is ready for school.

Lynne Mortimer looks at the history and changing nature of the picnic over the last 50 years... with special reference to meat paste and prosecco

Crossed off my list this week – pork crackling.

Gypsy, by Jule Styne, Stephen Sondheim and Arthur Laurents, presented by Appeal Theatre Group at the New Wolsey Theatre, Ipswich until Saturday, June 24

My friend Jane has a sporty soft-top car and often gives me a lift to and from work. I like 
to wave at my neighbours as we drive by.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, by Jeffrey Lane and David Yazbek, presented by Ipswich Operatic and Dramatic Society, is at the New Wolsey Theatre until Saturday, June 17

We are now officially planning for our Ruby Wedding celebration in 2018.

I have suffered some disquiet after being sent a list of mums’ most-fancied CBeebies television presenters. The top four are: 1. Dr Ranj Singh; 2. Ben Faulks; 3. Andy Day; 4. Justin Fletcher, writes Lynne Mortimer.

Opinion: Body hair...is it here to stay?

Monday, May 29, 2017

It looks as if it’s going to be all right, after all, writes Lynne Mortimer.

The full list of award winners, including glory for Suffolk and North Essex, was unveiled at the Chelsea Flower Show, today.

What is this new generation we are rearing, writes Lynne Mortimer this week.

I have in mind a new celebrity reality show, writes Lynne Mortimer. It’s sort of Through the Keyhole-cum-Car Booty in which celebrities are forced to clear out their garages because, let’s face it, most garages are little more than spacious cupboards.

A nice young girl from Dickleburgh, Asked her new boyfriend to tickle ‘er... and so begins a classic unfinished limerick challenge. Lynne Mortimer celebrates the nonsense poet Edward Lear and his shorter works.

We have a great neighbourhood email group which is used as a means to recommend local tradespeople, borrow items – often children’s fancy dress – and sell stuff. It’s a friendly association of good neighbours.

As we approach Lost Sock Memorial Day. Lynne Mortimer considers the eternal mystery of the missing sock and pays tribute to her best-ever lost sock.

History has enjoyed a huge revival as, increasingly, people take more interest in their surroundings; their towns and counties. At the beginning of local and community history month, LYNNE MORTIMER celebrates East Anglian heritage.

Count Arthur Strong, The Sound of Mucus, at Ipswich Corn Exchange, Saturday, April 29

The great Easter egg hunt 2017.

You know those books – How to improve your memory in a week etc? It’s going to take longer than a week in my case, writes Lynne Mortimer.

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