February 28 2015 Latest news:
Health warning: The following column is highly likely to get a few people hot under the collar. You have been warned! Here goes...light blue touchpaper and retreat to safe distance... Now, where’s that tin hat?
Now this week, dear readers, I have been in the strongroom.
I have received a number of thought provoking press releases.
Hello, young man, I notice you can change a tyre... will you marry me?”
Wanted: responsible escorts to accompany middle-aged couple on weekend London adventure.
With one independence referendum just about out of the way I propose another - a vote on the restoration of the ancient kingdom of the Eastern Angles as a state of the UK. Why should we proud peoples of the east be entirely subject to the dictates of a Londinium based parliament? Given the opportunity to harness our own resources such as the enormous amount of wind we have, we could pass our own federal laws, install our own patron saint – Edmund – and celebrate our own special little ways.
My friend, Dorinda, emails: “... Whatever made you think you would become mellow after the menopause? You should ask my husband what he thinks about this. Yesterday I was suffering with a migraine, something I used to get frequently but now, very rarely. Chris, in an attempt to be sympathetic, (I think) kept asking: ‘Where did that come from?’; ‘What caused it?’ and then ‘Have you taken anything for it?’ I am afraid I turned on the poor chap and nearly bit his head off. Then I noticed he had disappeared. After about a half hour when the pain killers had kicked in, I found him upstairs in the computer room and had to make a grovelling apology. ‘That’s okay’, he said. ‘I forgive you, and actually, I quite like you feisty.’ Feisty? That’s a whole new slant on grumpiness.”
As I emerge from menopause – at least I assume that’s what’s happening because I haven’t seriously threatened anyone for ages now – I look forward to a life without night sweats, panic attacks, irrational episodes and 132 other potential troubles.
When was the last time you had a fortnight’s holiday?
It is George’s birthday next week. He will be two. We are giving him a play kitchen which we chose from the many available because it has a little rail on which to hang a tea towel.