I wouldn’t buy anything with Velcro - it’s a rip off
PUBLISHED: 14:35 10 October 2018 | UPDATED: 14:54 10 October 2018
Apparently dad jokes are in vogue... whatever next, asks Lynne Mortimer, dad dancing?
It isn’t easy to come to terms with the latest fad − it seems, however, that awful jokes are hugely popular all of a sudden.
The generic term for these groaners is “dad jokes”, so named because they are corny and pretty much inoffensive... unless you count the grave injuries they inflict on their children’s senses of humour.
I suppose I should add that there are groovy dads who indulge in edgier wisecracking but then, that is probably even more embarrassing. You’ll have to ask the kids.
We all know the hugely generalised “dad” in question. He’s wearing the trousers with a comfort waistband, M&S underwear and a knitted pullover that is slightly plucked from where it comes into contact with his five o’clock shadow. Moreover, he thinks his jokes are the funniest things he’s ever heard and, generally speaking, he is alone in this.
Dad jokes have long been mocked and vilified but now, they have become the new internet craze. Why?
Earlier this week is was reported that an online Reddit forum devoted to such howlers has attracted more than a million subscribers.
And what sort of back-slapping, jaw-dropping rib ticklers are being posted?
− What do you call a flirty philosopher? Socra-tease.
− At work we’ve got a printer we’ve nicknamed Bob Marley. It’s always jammin’.
− I burned my Hawaiian pizza. I should have put it on aloha setting.
What do these jokes have in common? They are unlikely to upset anybody. In these very sensitive times we do have to take care what we joke about. It is so easy to offend people with a misjudged joke - especially online where you cannot include the nuance or the subtext of a eyebrow raising gag.
Comedy practitioners tell us that there should be no topic that is untouchable when it comes to jokes and poking fun. In principle I agree. As a mother-in-law, I have no issue with this one of Les Dawson’s: “I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law for three years... I hadn’t liked to interrupt her.”
Yet, I suppose it is mother-in-lawist.
Here are some more dad jokes that you may or may not enjoy. Just read through until you can take no more.
− Did you hear about the explorer Marco Polo? He went to China and made a mint.
− Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
− What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
− What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
− Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
− What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
− I used to be indecisive but now I’m not so sure.
− I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there
− I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
− Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
− What happened when the two antennas got married? Well, the ceremony was kinda boring, but the reception was great!
− Two parrots on a perch. One says to the other: “Can you smell fish?”
− I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
What we need to know now is whether “dad dancing” will suddenly be recognised as an art form rather than an evocation of dance floor shapes that cause mortification in his children (even grown-up children).
It is always in 4/4 rhythm (even when the music is in 3/4) and it involves a shuffle to the right, a shuffle to the left (repeat ad lib) with a sort of Theresa May-like arm chug. Then, all of a sudden, there will be a 360° spin or a lunge. Then normal footwork will resume. The more advanced dad dancer may attempt a step-ball-change to prove he really is a nice little mover.
Should “dad-dancing” it be introduced into the Strictly Come Dancing repertoire? I think we can all guess how Craig Revel-Horwood would respond to that, daarrrhling.