Do It Myself

Ever since I moved into my small flat with sea views (distant) in the Edwardian town of Felixstowe I have been decorating.It's been a mission that even Lawrence thingy thingy would have found a challenge.

Ever since I moved into my small flat with sea views (distant) in the Edwardian town of Felixstowe I have been decorating.

It's been a mission that even Lawrence thingy thingy would have found a challenge.

I started by choosing a colour.

Naturally looked through Hello magazine to get a few ideas but to be honest I wasn't too successful.


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Tina Turner has a lovely pad in the south of France but I haven't got the cash, Elton John's Venice mansion is just a tad to gaudy for me. That prince in Norway has got some lovely taste but on the other hand I was not bothered by David and Victoria's colour scheme - in any of their homes.

And Buckingham Palace is just a bit too white and gold inside and what would I do with a throne room anyway?

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So after six weeks, three sleepless, four colour charts, four hundred cigarettes, 12 gin and tonics and a tearful moment in the Felixstowe branch of Homebase when I just couldn't make up my mind, I eventually decided that for James Marston, celebrity columnist and jet-setting reporter to relax at home in comfort and style 'natural calico' - cream to you and me - was the only sensible option.

It's a colour my father, rather irritatingly refers to as “light magnolia”.

So colour chosen, and paint bought, I began Changing Rooms.

I started on my bedroom, worked through to my salon and finished in my small study.

I'd never painted before, I was constantly to and fro from DIY stores and unlike the lovely Carol Smilie I didn't have an army of people and a camera crew to help.

Now after several weeks of constant turmoil I am without kitchen as my new cooking facilities, complete with built in fridge, is being assembled by an army of men including a painter, carpenter - my dad , furniture mover -me, and a plumber - who's doing the drains and washing machine. Have you ever noticed that as son as you start one job you discover there's three others that need doing first?

So though it will all be finished and I'll be able to cook a macaroni cheese and stop dining at the Felixstowe branch of Wimpy.

I just hope I don't get bored of the colour too quickly or I'll be back on the chicken in a bun with chips.

Hurray… I've finally, after months of perseverance, had a win at the bingo.

I called on two lines scooping a £25 win. I've spent it on sweets of course, and a haircut.

It was about time, I'd been going for months and dabbed in vain.

Afterwards, a gentleman - he must be a fan - came up to me and congratulated me.

How very kind. I offered my autograph but he wasn't bothered - perhaps he didn't want to hassle me in my moment of glory.

I have discovered there is a house named after me in Norfolk. How interesting.

Apparently they are in the village of Chedgrave and are three-bedroom, and detached fitted with high quality products by East Anglia-based housing developer Lovell at its sought-after new development - Langley Meadows - in the Norfolk village of Chedgrave. Isn't it marvellous?

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