Given the hands-on celebrity treatment

THEY say the camera never lies, but it's not what it seems. And, despite appearances to the contrary - me surrounded by two young lovelies - nothing is going on.

James Marston

THEY say the camera never lies, but it's not what it seems.

And, despite appearances to the contrary - me surrounded by two young lovelies - nothing is going on.

Many of my regular readers will know I am a resident of the Edwardian seaside resort of Felixstowe.

Admittedly as a younger fella, Felixstowe was not somewhere I thought I would end up - imagining myself in far more exotic climes like Manhattan or Paris or Berlin.

Nevertheless moving to Felix, as I affectionately call the spa town with lots of sun and little rain, was an inspired move.

Most Read

And as a self-styled-so-called peninsula celebrity - though without the fame and fortune and the Big Brother contract - I am often called upon to grace events with my sparkling presence.

Well, on Saturday night I found myself in one of the town's watering holes celebrating the joint birthdays of a couple of theatrical chums.

As the evening wore on one glass of white wine led to seven and, just as I was at my most verbose and amusing I was spotted just like a real celebrity by a couple of young ladies.

Suzy and Laura are both of a somewhat theatrical bent who just happened to be dressed up in fishnets and feathers and not very much else for the occasion - well it was the weekend wasn't it?

Anyway they insisted I pose with them for a quick picture that they can send to their friends around the world and post on the internet.

As Laura said: “Come on James, let's have a picture. You're a pretend celebrity or something round here aren't you?”

I think she was probably just being nice and I'm easily flattered.

And, despite appearances to the contrary - me surrounded by two young lovelies who were more than keen to get their hands on me - I can assure those among you who love to gossip about the famous nothing is going on.

We are just good friends. There I've set the record straight.

Almost interesting I hear you say, but there's a more pressing problem and one that I am sure you can help me with.

As just a relative newcomer to the town that boasts a huge port, nice beach and friendly atmosphere I have noticed a building on my way to work in Ipswich that has got me puzzled.

It is on the corner of High Road East and Beatrice Avenue and has an ER cipher on its wall. I drive past it every day but have yet to discover its purpose? If you know please satisfy my curiosity and drop me a line.

It's the Suffolk show next week.

As one of my favourite annual events I suspect I shall be digging out the bowler hat and making the most of the samples in the food tent - bliss.

As I mentioned the other week the Duchess of Gloucester is going to have a look round - I wonder if she'd like to meet a celebrity of the Felixstowe peninsula - that's me, form an instant friendship and introduce me to my favourite royal Camilla allowing me to scoop the interview of the century and retire to a massive apartment with sea view (uninterrupted) in the South of France.

I'm not holding my breath.

It was last week that I wrote about one of my favourite performers Tina Turner.

I think she's marvellous and asked you if you had seen her when she performed in Ipswich.

Well, one of my correspondents, Felixstowe lady Mrs Hayfield did.

She wrote to me this week.

Dear Mr Marston,

You asked if anyone had seen her in concert in Ipswich. My husband, daughter and I did and we loved the show. She was fab.

I love watching her.

The energy! She makes you feel you want to dance too.

Yours sincerely,

Mrs Hayfield.

I quite agree.

What do you do about tomatoes?

It's a pressing problem for me at the moment as I've grown a few plants from seed in a small pot on my kitchen windowsill.

But there's loads of them the pot is full and the little seedlings have run out of room and I'm not sure what to do next as I threw away the instructions.

Though clearly I'm green fingered any advice would be gratefully received.

Well, at least British Airways is making some money.

For once it was nice to hear some good economic news come across the wires.

In what must be a difficult industry at the moment the company has managed to make more than £800million profit.

All this talk about credit crunching and the rising cost of everything makes me worry at night, especially for poor pensioners who are on fixed incomes.

The more British companies that make money, though, the better.