It's time for some new Olympic events

WELL it has been yet another busy week in the life of me.

James Marston

WELL it has been yet another busy week in the life of me.

Preparations continue for my latest theatrical production - Sounds Familiar - with the Ipswich ever so Operatic and definitely Dramatic Society and I have learned some new moves whereby I walk on stage with fellow thespians Katy and Tracey and sit down for a cuddle while we hum along to something by John Lennon.

The girls both told me I was cuddly with Katy comparing me to a friendly polar bear. Though I'm not really partial to seal I'm sure she meant it in the nicest possible way.

On the global stage the Olympics are over and didn't we do well?

To be honest I don't know really. I haven't been watching that much.

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I did see a bit of spear throwing - I think a girl from Newmarket was among the competitors - and some men running very quickly around the track but that was about it.

Nevertheless I'm already gearing up for London 2012.

Today I am beginning my campaign to bring a few more exciting events to the games that we can all have a go at.

They include:

- Ballroom dancing - nice to have a bit of Victor Sylvester in the background isn't it?

- Starter pistol firing - my only sporting achievement on school sports day. I just wish I'd shot the games master.

- Croquet - perfect for the idle rich and those that enjoy a gin and tonic.

- Queuing - requiring patience and long periods of standing - us British would win every time.

- Cluedo - everyone's favourite board game.

- Supermarket trolley races including the 20m buy one get one free sprint - something for the housewives.

- Drunken bare-knuckle boxing - for a preview visit Ipswich town centre on a Saturday night.

- Under 15 pavement pushchair pushing races - perfect for the chavs.

- Dad dancing including the YMCA synchronised formation event - always good for a giggle.

- Speed smoking - finish a fag outside before running back inside to down a pint - perfect for those people who banned everything.

- Victoria sponge relay and strawberry jam throwing - no need to leave the WI out is there?

What would you like to see at the Olympics? Is there a sport you'd like to be included? Do drop me a line.

DARE I go to see my doctor?

My mother, who lives in the west of the county and enjoys singing Barbershop music, is constantly telling me to stop smoking.

And, dear readers, I try ever so hard but never seem to be able to crack it.

I have been to see my GP, a friendly lady who seems to know my weaknesses, a couple of times and she has prescribed pills that have helped me stop for a couple of months only to start again when a glass or three of chilled Chablis reduces my will-power to non-existent levels.

It's a battle I occasionally win in a war that I seem to lose.

I need an El Alamein-style turning point. I think I better book an appointment and make one final push towards victory don't you?

GOOD old Camilla - she's not afraid to work with animals is she? Handy because all those Royals seem to love small dogs and things.

Anyway she was busy at a garden party the other week in Aberdeenshire.

As regular readers will know she's a favourite of mine and she always seems to be enjoying herself somewhere. I wonder what she got up to over the bank holiday break. I hope she wasn't bored on some Scottish mountain being eaten alive by midges.

I wonder if she might yet come to Felixstowe - well surely someone nice is going to open the new beach and sea defences? She might like to have a drink in my small salon with sea views (distant). I've got a balcony she can wave to the crowds from. I'd better get the duster out.

DO you do much entertaining?

Not easy is it? Nor is it cheap and these days you can't just serve some old peanuts and a glass of cooking sherry can you?

Tempted though I am to have an At Home with exclusive canapés and some nice people to talk to I am, unfortunately, never at home to do so.

And who has an At Home nowadays anyway? It's all barbecues and fancy dress in modern Britain.

Anyway what with amateur theatricals and various social engagements in Felixstowe, I rarely seem to get the time.

So I have decided to visit exclusively the homes of other people instead.

So if you'd like me to join you for a dinner party, and don't forget I do enjoy a cheese board and a glass of late bottled vintage, do let me know. No quiche please.

IT is perhaps the only perk of journalism - apart from the access to interesting people and the fact that us hacks know everything.

Occasionally, us media types get sent things through the post to make our lives that little bit easier.

This week I have received a couple of CDs, a book on spying in the Second World War and a couple of bottles of wine.

Naturally it is the wine that attracted my attention and I've already sampled the bottle of limited release Arniston Bay sent to me by special delivery. A fruity little number which was rather nice with sardines on toast.

So if you'd like to send me anything - keys to a Jaguar, a holiday home included - feel free.

I passed on the calming oils we received earlier in the week to a colleague who was getting overwrought by the county's GCSE results. She was grateful too.