Is this the weirdest gadget for menopause sufferers ever?
PUBLISHED: 13:23 10 December 2018
After coming off the HRT tablets, Lynne is looking for new ways to tackle the effects of menopause. She's not sure this latest gizmo works.
I am sad to report, menopause has well and truly kicked in.
Every time I go into a store to shop for Christmas, I have to take off my outdoor clothes and then, after about 10 minutes I head outside too cool down. It’s a system that works well... except in unseasonably warm weather such as we have seen over the last weeks.
If this is indeed a permanent feature of global warming, I shall have to move north of the Arctic circle. If Father Christmas has any vacancies in his toy workshop, I would be interested.
As a result of my body’s thermostat malfunction, I apologise in advance to family and friends for the rushed nature of their Christmas presents, this year. I have been buying the first things I see. Grabbing gifts off shelves, belting over to the tills, paying and then sprinting for the door and into the street to gulp in lungfuls of cold air.
Not wishing to give in and beg the doctor for hormone replacement, I went to Holland and Barrett (purveyor of nuts and natural remedies) and bought some tablets for menopause that contain plant oestrogen. They smell a bit like a shrubbery but I have swallowing one a day and hoping they might help. I’m perfectly happy to accept a placebo effect... anything; anything at all.
A friend at work noted my state of thermo-nuclear crisis and shared details of the LadyCare with me. (Where are you going with this, Lynne? ED)
If you are of a nervous disposition, do not worry because they sell it in Boots the Chemist and it has over three stars on Amazon so it can’t be too risqué. LadyCare Menopause, according to its own website: “May reduce Hot Flushes, Increased Energy, Weight Reduction, Better Skin Tone, Improved Mood and more.”
It looks like a purple plastic pendant with a button on it and, the blurb goes on that it is “proven to reduce or completely eliminate menopause symptoms in over 71% of women. Apparently it helps to alleviate an imbalance to the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) that can be caused by the loss of hormones.
I know what you’re thinking − what do you do with it. I’ll tell you now, I was quite surprised when I read that: “LadyCare simply attaches to the underwear in the pelvic area.”
This means I will have to wear knickers, I suppose... although I can’t quite work out where or how the LadyCare attaches. I know it must be magnetic because, according to online seller Amazon, people who bought it also bought magnetic bracelets... not that it affixes itself to you magnetically... unless you have to get your belly button pierced and wear an iron hoop.
To get a better grasp of what you do with it, I looked at reviews: “Love it”; “Love it” said the first two. The next one warned: “Easily falls into the toilet if you are not careful”. Another cautions: “Make sure you don’t have any belly fat because this will not stay in place.” That’s me out, then.
I also wondered about sewing... will pins attach themselves to you? And the airport - will there be a deeply embarrassing moment when you go through the metal detector?
I’ll stick with the shrubbery tablets for now.
• Sitting in the waiting area before doing a brief broadcast with BBC Radio Suffolk, I noticed an unpleasant smell.
There had been someone in there before me and I’m afraid I assumed it was them. I went into the studio and the smell seemed to follow me in there.
“There’s a funny smell around here,” I said. Drivetime’s Stephen Foster (Foz) agreed but it was nothing to do with him, it was me.
“You... er... haven’t stepped in anything, have you?”
I checked my right shoe; no. I checked my left shoe; yes.
With a minute left before going on air, I took off the offending and indeed, offensive shoe, and took it out of the studio.
As I completed the broadcast, a whiff still in the air, Foz bade me farewell, adding: “Normally, I don’t like to see you go... but, in this case...”
“... Get out. Yes, I quite understand,” I said and rushed off. At home I did a few Strictly Come Dancing Argentine tango moves on the front lawn to rid my shoe of the worst. Then, it was out with the Dettol spray.
It has been years since I last walked through a pile of doggie do. Most dog owners are very responsible people... except for the one that failed to pick up the steaming lump left for me to step into.
• And finally... we thought the washing machine motor had packed up because it was making a very odd noise and didn’t seem to be spinning properly. In fact, one of the wires threaded through the underneath of my bra cups had worked its way out and had partly fallen through a hole in the drum of the machine. Thank goodness we found it - otherwise it would have damaged the washing machine and made me look lopsided.