‘My down moments are like hitting a brick wall hard’

FIONA Welsh on her battle against breast cancer

even though I am a very positive person, the glass is half full kind of girl; my emotions have gotten the better of me since my last treatment.

I seem to be more tearful, have had really down moments and can only describe it as hitting a brick wall hard, with nothing more to give and just can’t take any more.

However this is all normal and to be expected during this cancer journey, all my support booklets say this, so I can let the tears flow and to be honest I do feel better afterwards.

I give myself about five minutes “self pity” time then I pull myself together and think of something to be grateful for and something to make me smile.

I have been described a few times as an “inspiration” to others, if only these people could see me as a blubbering wreak these past few days, they may change their minds.

I do not feel an inspiration, but I do hope I can help just one more person face this journey, to help one more person talk about cancer, it’s not always as bad as it sounds, and if anyone has concerns to get it checked out or to ask the right people questions. There is so much more knowledge and information out there; do not be afraid to seek it.

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I get my own inspirations from others when I least expect it. I was having my five minutes cry time the other day when children’s TV was on. There was a programme about a young lad having dialysis. Seeing this boy attached to a machine and have such a limited life style, made me stop crying there and then. He was given the gift of a kidney and was able to live a normal life.

But this reminded me there is always someone out there having a tougher ride, having it harder than I and I am grateful to be reminded of that, even when I least expect it.

I do feel so sorry that others are suffering; it is such a cruel world. We all need to have an inspirational person in our lives to help ground us.

This whole cancer journey has made me re-evaluate what is really important in my life. Before cancer it would be shallow things, like appearance. I would curse if it rained and my hair would turn into a frizzy mess, but now, I feel liberated all I have to do is pop my wig on hey presto, perfect hair regardless of rain.

Never again will I moan about a bad hair day.

I think my relationship with family and friends has improved too, no longer do I say “oh we must get together I’ll be in touch” and never arrange anything, it’s “lets book a date right now”.

Life races past so quickly, don’t put off today for tomorrow, try and do it today. But always have something to look forward too.

My list is growing of things to do after my treatment, my things to look forward too: a trip to America to see family, best friend’s wedding, eat all of the restricted food I can’t currently eat.

Cancer is not going to beat me and it is not taking over my life, cancer has to be part of my life. It has turned it up-side down but I can live with that, an up-side down world really is not all that bad.