My fame is spreading

NOW, dear readers, Christmas is just around the corner - not news I know but what I'm about to tell you is most important.

James Marston

NOW, dear readers, Christmas is just around the corner - not news I know but what I'm about to tell you is most important.

Though my presents are all smugly wrapped up and waiting in my small Felixstowe salon with sea views (distant) for those near and dear to me to unwrap them and then say how much they like them even if they don't before asking for the receipt, I also have a gift for you.

Like every other celebrity you know - Kylie, Will Young, Orlando Bloom, Westlife and Cameron Diaz to name but a few - I am joining the ranks of superstardom.

I can proudly announce the JAMES MARSTON celebrity calendar is launched today - it is a momentous occasion.

So exclusive is this remarkable compilation of fantastic images, of mostly me, that it's not even available in the shops. You can't just go and pick it up, take it to a counter and pay for it with cash, oh no.

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And as a special treat I am able to bring it to you, my dear readers, totally free. All you have to do is visit our website and click and download the downloadable 2009 calendar of me -

What a lovely stocking filler - I hear you think. What a wonderfully cheap present for all my relations in these troubled times - I bet you're saying to yourself, I know I am.

No longer just a vaguely recognisable as that “large lad from the paper who only ever talks about himself and lives on the Felixstowe peninsula”, indeed I have gone global at the click of a mouse.

IT seems this week I might have my first anonymous stalker - a mark of a true celebrity if ever there was - not that I mind too much.

A gentleman has written to tell me I've been spotted buying a prawn sandwich. This revelation, even though I knew I'd bought the sandwich, got me thinking - I wonder where else I've been spotted without knowing it. It's a strange feeling.

Anyway, I was so amused by this stalker I have decided to share his letter with you. He wrote:


You will see that I have shown no name and no address just to make you “think” just a little.

I have to admit that I am an admirer of your column, it does usually make me chuckle and as far as I am concerned anybody who makes people laugh is OK!

You do often mention the terribly dramatic (IODS) Ipswich Operatic and Dramatic Society and indeed I do know how true that is as I do watch them often myself. I do also know Lady Margaret and as you put it “she who must be obeyed”. We do watch many of the IODS shows and they are very good, and to be honest “Sounds Familiar” is always a particular favourite.

This year in early October we did especially look for, as you put it “the big bloke who would struggle with his dancing steps”.

Let's be honest you were nowhere near as bad as you would have us all believe in your column and “Faded Blooms” was excellent.

However, back to fame and stardom which you are attempting to achieve against all the odds, well I do believe you may be well on your way.

I am well advised you were seen recently in Kersey and also in Buyright in Hadleigh. In fact at Buyright you were assisted by my wife who helped you find a prawn sandwich for an impromptu snack!

So famous and well known are you through your column and the IODS that my wife couldn't wait to tell me when I got home from work that she had seen that “big bloke” who writes in the paper and was in Sounds Familiar.

So don't worry that she didn't know your name, but she did recognise you and sort of knew who you were, so James you are indeed on the way.

So good luck and keep up the good work.

I may write again, I may not. I may tell you who I am, I may not!

But be on the lookout and do continue to make us all laugh…”

What a nice letter.

WHAT a shame about Woolworths - not that I or anyone I know ever went there much.

But that's not the point is it?

It was a stalwart of the High Street and its demise is a bit of a shock - partly because it is one of the first high-profile victims of recession and few can remember a high street without one.

The problems of Woollies somehow hit at our British love of nostalgia and times past - everyone remembers when they used to shop in Woolworths don't they and what things they once bought there.

But “used to” go shopping there isn't enough is it?

THERE'S much excitement in my home village of Icklingham in the west of the county this weekend as it is time for the annual Festival of Lights at the historic church of St James.

Despite my almost-celebrity status the ladies that run the show haven't asked me back to open proceedings and declare anything up and running - not that I'm put out, much.

The festival, which includes a cake stall, tombola, Christmas gifts, wreaths and loads of Christmas trees, will also include a visit by Father Christmas himself, which when you consider how busy he must be at this time of year is very good of him - I understand he's got a grotto in the apse, but apparently he's comfortable.

If you fancy going along its open from noon until 6pm on December 6 and 7.