When will it ever end?

I was sitting on my quilted pillow one evening this week and I could not believe my ears. I’m a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! has started and I’m one very unhappy husky-cross-alsatian.

It’s one thing to have to put up with Matt, my human person’s laugh, it’s another the actual programme.

All those prima donnas, wannabes and has-beens. And that’s just Matt.

I told Margot the dalmatian from Milden about the show and she was not impressed. The problem is the noises you see, the sounds of the jungle do not agree with me.

I just can’t stand the insects and creepy crawlies – but what’s worse is the bleeping. Whenever the celebs swear the ITV producers protect the humans by sounding it out with an awful noise.

My ears certainly pricked up when I heard it. In fact I had no option but to run out the room with my tail between my legs.

I thought about calling Frank the labrador from Leiston but he’s probably enjoying the spectacle and won’t have any bleeping problems with his hearing.

And all of this on Matt’s second anniversary of having me. You would have thought cake was in order, but no.

I got a five minute walk and a pat on the head as congratulations! Matt said walks are a nuisance as my white coat is a fine canvas for muddy country roads. I said many mutts would give their two front paws for hair as thick as mine.

If any dogs, or even their owners, would like to write to me, email my secretary