What’s on Wayne: Breaking up is hard to do

The Walking Dead has shuffled off my Sky+ box

The Walking Dead has shuffled off my Sky+ box - Credit: PA

Break-ups are never easy and, no, I’m not talking about Jeremy Clarkson and the BBC. I’d seen it coming for a while, trying everything I could to work things out. After hours of tears and recriminations there was no choice, I had to delete several shows from my Sky+ planner.

Case closed for Woody Harrelson and Matthew MaConaughey in True Detective too

Case closed for Woody Harrelson and Matthew MaConaughey in True Detective too - Credit: Archant

Goodbye entire series of The Walking Dead, Haven, Falling Skies, Person of Interest, True Detective...

I used to be so committed in the past, putting in the work and sticking with programmes through the good and bad times. I’d been in terrible TV relationships before, True Blood, Sanctuary, Charmed... I had to break the cycle.

I said it wasn’t them, it was me; that we’d simply grown apart.

They hit back, accusing me of seeing other, younger, cooler TV programmes. It wasn’t true I protested. So that wasn’t Season one of Orphan Black on DVD I’d tried to sneak past them they cried. They’d seen me eyeing up Netflix and Amazon Prime subscription packages too, not to mention web series like The Guild.

Haven will remain a mystery

Haven will remain a mystery - Credit: Archant


That’s when it all came pouring out. How they’d shown up but their hearts hadn’t seemed in it for a while now - the sudden scheduling changes, disappearing for months on supposed “mid-season” hiatus with no warning, ridiculous plots, bad acting...

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Could they blame me for having a roving eye, I have needs dammit. Is it too much to ask after a hard day at work to sit down and be entertained?

Truth is, I had no space in my life for them anymore; more importantly there was no space on my Sky+ box. That thing works harder than an MP when there’s a general election around the corner.

None of the shows took it well, refusing to go and forcing me to un-series link them several times. With my finger poised above the permanently deleted button, there was a final reconcillation of sorts.

We agreed to take some time apart and, who knows, maybe we’d see each other again in the boxset section of On Demand...

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