Dawn of my new age

NOW I may not be Daniel Craig - I lack the six pack - but as you can see dressing up and wearing a little bow tie always puts a smile on my face.

James Marston

NOW I may not be Daniel Craig - I lack the six pack - but as you can see dressing up and wearing a little bow tie always puts a smile on my face.

On Friday my plain-speaking-friend-Lucy and I graced this year's Ipswich and Suffolk Press Ball with our presence.

We drank plenty of wine, ate some nice cheeses and we got a taxi back to Ipswich where we stayed up talking and making little sense - both of us enjoy the sounds of our own voices - until nearly 4am.

Aside from raising large sums for charities, it was a chance for us media types to let our hair down and relax in style - so we did.

We danced and danced and talked and talked.

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No sooner had I finished celebrating at the Press Ball than I was back in Ipswich at another party.

And do you know, after a seeing two dawns in as many days I was utterly exhausted.

But, dear readers, I've begun to notice something worrying as I creep towards my mid 30s.

Though no Princess Margaret I've always liked a good soiree, but just recently, in the yellow light of the early morning, I've found myself wishing for the solitude and quiet of my own bed and a biography of The Duchess of Cornwall instead of my amazing company and entertaining repartee - how very odd.

It's a universal truth and a worrying one - the older you get the less you can party hard.

But that's not all is it?

Here are a few thoughts.

- When I'm pushed for time on a Monday morning and rushing into work the lights at Stoke Bridge are always red.

- Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

- At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

- Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.

- You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.

- Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

- You never know where to look when eating a banana.

- You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.

- The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.

- Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.

- Old ladies can eat more than you think.

- You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

- Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.

WELL things are hotting up at my latest theatrical production - this time with the Dennis Lowe theatre company.

I'm playing large boy and, strangely, an undertaker in the group's Summer Magic show at the Spa Pavilion in the sunny Edwardian town of Felixstowe next month.

I have to dance and sing and wear a big silk shirt.

At our last rehearsal I frantically took down notes so I wouldn't forget which side to walk on and off stage for each bit.

I'm assured it will be fine on the night.

So, if I remember what I'm doing and when and where, it should be a good one.

Tickets are on sale so I do hope you come along to watch.

DETERMINED to do a bit more exercise and with an intense dislike for team sports I took myself off on a cycle ride on Sunday.

I went miles, well about three, and worked ever so hard with only a small section of freewheeling.

Lucky as I am to live by the sea, I found it ever so easy until I turned round to go home and found the rather strong breeze against me and the sun in my eyes.

By the time I eventually made it back to my small flat for a slice of cake and a crumpet my legs had turned to jelly and I had to have a little nap.

Suddenly short mat bowls seems quite attractive.

ISN'T there a lot of fuss over this football?

There's some big competition on apparently.

My colleague Josh, who enjoys dressing up in shorts and running around with other lads, informs me that England aren't even playing after getting knocked out, so goodness knows why it's dominating our television channels.

At least without English fans there isn't the obligatory violence all too often associated with defeat.

REGULAR James Marston fans among you will know I have recently returned from a trip to Venice.

This week I was pleased to receive an e-mail from one of my fans.

Good morning James,

My wife and I had a four day, mid-week, break in Venice at the beginning of April this year. What an incredible city! The weather was mild and sunny. Big crowds only evident around St Mark's Square and the Rialto Bridge from mid morning to late afternoon (mainly school trips), elsewhere, particularly in the evening, was much quieter.

The infamous stench of the canals was minimal and the lagoon mosquitoes yet to emerge.

Apart from the risk of flooding from the spring high tides (we witnessed the sight of water bubbling up through cracks in the St Mark's Square pavement one evening) it was a good time to visit Venice.

Venice is a rare and wondrous city, I, like you, would want to return to.

Robson Smith