Glastonbury gives me another chance to stay home

The crowd watching Liam Gallagher performing on the Pyramid Stage during the Glastonbury Festival. P

The crowd watching Liam Gallagher performing on the Pyramid Stage during the Glastonbury Festival. Picture Yui Mok/PA Wire. - Credit: PA

Glastonbury... why? I realise the festival offers fans probably the best programme of live music anywhere – they’ve got Kylie, for goodness sake, but come on, it’s not going to be a comfy weekend, is it?

Moreover, I read that the Glasto medical team has brought in extra defibrillators because "the age profile has changed".

"We are seeing more elderly people with heart attacks, strokes, chronic chest diseases," said head of the medical services, Chris Howes. But, hey, it's still rock 'n' roll... I suppose.

For me, at 64, the main deterrent to attending a pop festival is not the heightened chance of a medical emergency but the toilets. - the queues, the smell.

At Glastonbury there will be in the region of 200,000 people who will be resident on site for more than three days. According to the official website, there are a vast number of loos (more than 3,500) and they are all cleaned once a day. Then it adds: "Please don't pee anywhere except in the loos."

Okay, that's quite enough about toilets.

Weather: Glastonbury is in England and thus just about any configuration of summer is possible. We have seen sodden festival-goers caked in mud, slithering around in their wellies; seen them being baked to a crisp in hot sunshine; and all layered up against chill winds. Then there is keeping clean and fresh... that can't be easy. I have often wondered if, when the crowds have their arms in the air, swaying to the music, whether there is any waft from armpits.

Most Read

And what about small people standing at the back? Do they see much? Would they see more if they stayed home and watched the TV coverage?

I realise that these pertinent points are completely irrelevant because, for the Glastonbury-goers, it is all about the experience, the atmosphere, the thrill of just being there, the buzz of watching live acts, of being able to say you've been.

But, although I adore Kylie, it is not on my bucket list. It is one of those unmissable life-affirming adventures that I am just going to have to let go.