What’s on Wayne: Fifty Shades more a one-night stand than long-term commitment

Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele and Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey.

Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele and Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey. - Credit: PA

Red room of pain; more red room of “meh”. Despite labelling Fifty Shades of Grey as one of my top 10 must-see films of 2015, I don’t think I’ll bother after all.

It’s opening weekend total was the biggest ever for an 18 certificate, the largest for a non-franchised-sequel opening, the biggest February and Valentine’s Day debut and the biggest debut of 2015.

Reviewers, ironically, came down very hard on the movie - it’s been described as everything from a consistent hoot to punishing in more than just a literal sense - and attendance figures have plummeted.

From the interviews I’ve read, the book’s author EL James got too much say in the film, clashing with British director Sam Taylor-Johnson and her scriptwriter Patrick Marber who wanted to elevate the material above its Twilight slash fiction origins.

Worse yet, in a bid to placate the censors they’ve cut most of the sex out and watered down the remaining bondage and domination scenes – talk about tying yourself in knots.


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The side-show surrounding its release has been far more entertaining.

Emails I’ve had in the last week include DIY chains advertising deals on rope, cable ties and tape. I’ve also had stats on how many on how many out of 2,500 people surveyed for IllicitEncounters.com would take part in a threesome (20%), indulge in fantasy and role play (31% of men, 29% of women) or be keen to explore some of the book’s ideas (74%). Apparently 421 members of Illicit Encounters have Christian Grey in their username.

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The most worrying email I got was from fellow extramarital dating site Gleeden.com which revealed four cheating men and women out of 10 already get frisky in a movie theatre with their lover. I get annoyed if people rustle their pick and mix too loudly...

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